Relate Trained Counsellorsfor Relationship Counselling and Marriage Guidance
in Leeds and Wakefield, West Yorkshire

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Don't suffer please give us a call today to help you cope with and change your world.

We provide relate trained Counsellors working in the West Yorkshire area, working as relationship Counsellors in Leeds and Wakefield.

Relate trained Counsellors providing therapy services in Leeds and the West Yorkshire area

We are all Relate trained and we are specialists in Relationship therapy. We work with all the issues that you will find that Couples, Families and Individuals in a counselling experience. Life can change at any time and its these changes that make the relationships we have hard to connect to and work with. These changes that the Counsellor can work with you could be:

  • Marriage Guidance
  • Marriage difficulties
  • Having children
  • Change of careers
  • Financial difficulties
  • Bereavement
  • Affairs
  • Divorce
  • Redundancy
  • Retirement

    in fact anything that happens can be hard to live with and can create distancing between Couples, friends and families.

    The Counsellor works with Couples, Individuals and Families on an open-ended basis or for an agreed time period, with the aim of enabling you to enhance your life and to live it more fully. We don't commit you to attending weekly or having a number of sessions, we work it on a session by session process, your in charge of the counselling.

    Our practices are within easy reach of Leeds and Wakefield transport links.

  • Does life feel like life is getting on top of you or you cant find a way forward?

    Do you feel lonely or afraid?
    Are you arguing and finding it hard to communicate?
    Is your relationship not making you happy?
    Do you always feel like you cant do anything right?
    Are you starting a relationship and wanting to make sure it works?
    Are your relationships always breaking down?
    Do you have behaviors which don't help your relationships?

    All these questions and more could be because your relationships are not working as you would like them to or we have past issues which get in the way off getting close to others. We all change through our life's and its being able to talk, share with others to make those changes beneficial and productive for all. The Counsellor will be open and honest with you in exploring the issues you are bringing.

    Could you benefit from a session with a Counsellor to take some time-out with one of our Relate trained Consultants?

    ... to explore your thoughts and feelings
    ... to get back on a front foot again
    ... to help understand your world
    ... to find support when times are tough

    Our Relate trained Consultants collectively have over 90 years experience previously within Relate in counselling Couples, Families and Individuals. They are fully trained by Relate and all Counsellors are experienced to deliver the work they do. Each has been practicing as Counsellors for a minimum of 5 years. They are all committed to providing counselling (and psychotherapy?) in a safe, confidential and non-judgmental environment and confirm to BACP or other statutory bodies ethics and policies.

    We are experienced in helping clients who have experienced difficulties with :

  • Stress
  • Relationships
  • Panic Attacks
  • Anxiety
  • Bereavement
  • Redundancy
  • Depression,
  • Sexual issues
  • Gender Issues

  • Have the life you want not the one you think you deserve.

    Insecurity drives all of us in our interactions and interventions during our life. It causes us to reshape and redesign what we think, feel and do in our thoughts, words and deeds. This insecure drive is part of our DNA mind programming and we refer back to it for most of our decisions within everyday life. It’s something which we find hard to detach from and take control of. When we have conflict or issues around our relationships with others then we tend to reflect on our situation from an insecure position and then interact with others in a defending way, sometimes using words to create distance from our decisions or actions. This may involve telling lies or fabricating the truth, causing arguments, running away, using deflective behaviour patterns, such as drinking, drugs, sex, isolation or maybe other self-harming ways. If we can understand our insecure patterns of behaviour then we can try to change our actions and reactions to others. It’s hard to do this in the moment, especially when the fight or flight drives are in motion, we would need to do this in a calm and reflective way usually by ourselves or within therapy.
    If you can understand where these drives originate and how they impact on your life then you can understand how to implement strategies in order to reduce the effect they have on you.
    As an example would be that if you grew up the relationship with Father who was very detached and you were always trying to get a connection with him, usually in a negative way which did not help. presuming he did not want you around and that the distance you had was a criticism of the things you achieved academically, not being interested in your school work or your interactions with the schooling process. This could make you believe you were thick, a perception not a reality. This insecurity perception could drive you to not engage with schooling and as much as possible not gain any academic foundation. So growing up may find you going into jobs which were lower grade to what you could have possibly achieved. But then your skills on learning and being able to see positive outcomes from muddle and confusion, seeing the clear path through things and implementing solutions to problems could help you to progress through work roles. This may never have involved any academic interaction, no tests or academic results, learning on the job so to speak. This would stand you well throughout your formative years and helping to challenge some of the insecurity issues, building confidence in what you had achieved. Insecurity, as always, would be purring in the background, like a piece of software on a computer which was hidden in the program, it would still inform your interactions with others.
    I you challenged that view a somewhat scary process, by attending college and maybe later university you would see that indeed you had an academic brain and could relate to engaging with learning at a higher level than you ever thought possible.
    This experience and journey may help you to understand, challenge and beat the insecure perception which had been allowed to fester, helping to engage with learning and understand the insecure drives which had informed you for so long. Connecting with these drives trying to understand them more and engage with them so that you can be in charge of them and use them to challenge your perceived world based on those historical ideals and notions. This knowing and challenging process of your insecure drives would make living within the world much easier to engage with, in a positive and productive way, you would relate back to them less and as such be more in the driving seat then you ever had been before in your life and hopefully even more so in the future.

    My new book, out on amazon, which is titled Insecurity “It’s all about Me” looks at these drives in much deeper detail and gives ways to help to engage with them and reduce the effect they have on us.

    Have the life you want not the one your insecurity deems you should have.

    Accredited local Courses being delivered in 2020

    Parental workshop, "Helping to understand your young people"
    Confidence and Self-esteem building
    Understanding your emotions control them effectively
    Counselling Skills training

    What make’s us move our boundaries

    I am thinking about and being aware of the drama triangle model, that in the triangle you can either be in one of three positions, the Persecutor, Rescuer or Victim role and I was considering the other day how that interplays with the Transactional Analysis Parent, Adult and Child model, I was considering how when in the TA child mode it seems to associate with the victim in the drama triangle model, as both don’t take any responsibility for their position which then keeps them in the victim child position.
    Well when I encounter this in the counselling room it’s sometimes hard to put over this awareness of this dynamic to the Client. When I am working with this dynamic I find it’s easier for the Client to look at these models in pictorial form, and I connected it with manipulation and control the other day. I was explaining it as the victim/child is trying to manipulate the other person into occupying one of the two opposing positions of either perpetrator or rescuer. The emotional drive it seemed to change the person from the perpetrator role to the rescuer role is guilt, this allows the perpetrator, as the victim is seeing them to manipulates them to be, or to accept the opposing role of rescuer. Due the stimulated feeling of guilt being generated by the victim/child it moves the other person from the perpetrator to the rescuer and makes them feel sorry for the victim/child. The victim/child has control of the movement and they swing them from perpetrator to rescuer using guilt as a driver to shift their position from one position to the other position.
    Guilt is a very powerful driver and makes us all look with sympathy on the person exerting that emotional response in us, as such it doesn't really enter into our heads that we are being controlled but directly reacts to our human empathic response process. In order to change this we have to try to get the Client who is being put in this perpetrator position to stop taking the responsibility for the victim/child, as the rescuer, giving responsibility to the victim thus enabling them to possibly move to the adult position.
    If the victim refuses to accept this offering then a decision has to be taken, by the assumed perpetrator, whether to remain in the triangle as perpetrator/rescuer or whether to detach from the victim/child, as without taking responsibility the position of victim status within any persons process will stop them from growing, changing or moving forward.

    The victim will always remain the victim without owning the responsibility.

    What is Counselling

    This seems like an easy question to ask and in some ways it is.
    Counselling/Therapy is a process in which people engage with to get to understand themselves or their lives and then to make choices in order to changes in that life.
    The difficulty comes from choosing which type of counselling you would like to engage with to receive the right connection for you, dependant on how you work your world and the goals you would like to achieve will depend on who you choose.
    If you’re not aware there are many types of counselling modalities which will engage in many ways and dependant on what you want to work with and how easy you can work things out for yourself will depend on which type of counselling suits you best. For example if you are a self-actualising person, you can usually sort things out without much of an interaction with others, then you may favour person centred counselling as this provides structure but small amounts of intervention. If you’re unable to find the reason for why your life is going wrong but know it is from your past negative incidences then you may favour psycho-dynamic counselling, looking at how the past interacts with the present.
    Understanding the type of counselling the Therapist uses will help you to understand which Therapist may be more beneficial for you to engage with. Also the length of time you might want to engage with therapy will depend on who you choose as some practitioners can see you weekly for many years and others do short intervention work. An Integrative Therapist will use many forms of engaging theory in order to choose which one would be more appropriate for you, this may be beneficial if you are not sure of what you want. In talking to the Therapist these are the questions you need to ask them, how they work? What theory base do they use? What is the frequency of their sessions etc etc this then will build a picture of the person and if there are able not only to help you but also if they feel like the right person for you to work with, it is after all a relationship that we as Counsellors/Therapists enter into with you so you need to be able to trust us with your world.
    Therapy can be very expensive so entering into it with a full awareness of what you and the therapist expects of each other, the contract, will make your journey more appropriate and beneficial.

    What type of Therapy?

    This is a question I get asked a lot in a sense of what type of therapy I use with my Clients. Asking what the type of therapy we use for our Clients really is a useful question to ask when you enquiring about entering a counselling process. The different types of therapy will use different approaches and the frequency of the sessions will be different, so questions which are useful are:
    What theory base do you use?
    How long do the sessions last?
    How many sessions do you suggest I have?
    Is it an ongoing contract i.e. never ends?
    What will I get from the sessions?
    These and more are the questions you should clarify before you make a decision to access any counselling or psycho-therapy contract. The usual answer I get when I ask the Client if they have accessed any previous counselling service, when it wasn’t deemed helpful, is that the type of counselling they accessed was the wrong one for them. For example you might be a person who doesn’t integrate well with others so group work would not usually be helpful, you might be a person who can’t self-actualise their thoughts, so just a listening process like person centred theory may not be helpful, you may not be able to see the Therapist weekly this might be something the Therapist needs to happen in order to deliver their work.
    So ask any questions you need to ask before entering into the Counselling process.

    Relational counselling-the adrenaline rush

    For those of you Counsellors/Therapists or other such descriptive terms used to describe the talking therapies fraternity, who don’t yet work with relational or couples dynamics, then the sometimes fast paced world of relational counselling would be a challenge, one to be relished and which brings untold satisfaction to our work with Clients, who are always in a relationship with others. We are a social animals and as such we always feel more comfortable within a group, which might be just a couple of people or maybe more. In these groupings there will normally be unrest and squabbling as group dynamics change when conflict, uncertainty or change occurs. These changes can usually be sorted out by the group but sometimes an outside influence may need to be involved so that objectivity may be brought to the difficulties being experienced. In this we are best placed to help the participants of the group to understand, cope and resolve the differences and conflict of the issue or problem.
    In prior to training for this work its common not to be able to see how working with two or more people can be a different experience than working with individuals, after all we are still trying to help people to understand and change their world aren’t we, nothing could be further from the truth as it’s unlikely when working with an individual you would have conflict or unrest in the room. Conflict or unrest is always a constant in the world or relational counselling as parties brought together to understand and work out the issues or problems are not usually able to see the others point of view and as such they will be naturally conflicting positions and views being aired and grappled with. The world of relational counselling is not an easy one to embrace but it is a fascinating one and one which will help you to grow your skills which will be relevant in all aspects of your work. Come on be brave and grasp this fascinating and hugely rewarding work for yourselves join me to start your journey here

    Boundaries do we need to keep them

    Our counselling therapy work is about us being non-judgemental or non-biased towards the Client and this is at the core of what I believe, what about the boundaries we set them in engaging with us and enforcing them boundaries, does this not go against those prime conditions. A lot of Counsellors who I have trained over the past 20 years have debated this with me on many occasions “Is it our role to enforce boundaries or accept the movement of them”
    If we take the premise that Clients connect with us to help them to clarify making decisions understand or help them to make alterations to their life then we do need to accept that in order to make them feel easier and more comfortable to connect with us we need to be non-judgemental or non-biased it’s a fundamental part of what we do. If also we take the premise that their lives are usually in a state of chaos and confusion before they seek our help then is making and enforcing appropriate boundaries helpful and indeed healthy for them, are we giving them stability in enforcing the boundaries of our contract with them.
    Take a fairly usual occurrence a Client being late for an appointment and our contract is that they let us know if that were to happen via text etc and they don’t do that what would our stance be, allow it or challenge it.
    Are we helping them in challenging that boundary, modelling a norm in life that people make appointments and then attend them on time, if we enforce the boundary of being on time we could be modelling a helpful boundary and in so could be giving them a more safe and secure base in which to work from, a solid structure and respectful contractual process.
    If we allow it without challenge and move our boundary are we creating a less secure space to work in and from for the Client. In our need to professionally help people in the work we do can we move our boundaries too far and risk being a saviour of the client and is that appropriate in our work with them.
    These aren’t easy questions to ask or process and where is the line between care and control and how the Client reacts to that will be a very individual process for each Client, but we do need to ask those questions of ourselves and our practice in order to at least have the conversation for the benefit of our Client.

    Accredited Courses delivered Locally in Yorkshire

    Ian offers extensive in-depth training courses for professionals, organisations and individuals. These can be delivered either at our venue or at your own offices and cover an extensive array of subjects and life issues. They vary from day courses on confidence self-esteem to seven day accredited programs training to be a Counsellor or a Couple Counsellor. These courses are regarded as extensive, successful and well delivered by all the attendees. He is a qualified teacher and builds bespoke programs for each Client group, no two training courses are the same, his attention to detail is what makes these courses popular and successful. His experience in delivering these courses to Local authorities, National organisations, Government and local charities has over 8 years of experience and successful feedback evidence can be supplied. Please contact him for supportive evidence and to discuss your needs to build a quality training program which works.

    All courses are accredited by the NCP National Council of Psychotherapists and further details of Courses and training can be found here

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